Episode 013: I Wish You All The Best
“It's just three words: I am nonbinary. But that's all it takes to change everything.
After coming out to their parents as nonbinary, Ben De Backer is thrown out of their house and forced to move in with their estranged older sister, Hannah, and her husband, Thomas, whom Ben has never even met. Struggling with an anxiety disorder compounded by their parents' rejection, they come out only to Hannah, Thomas, and their therapist and try to keep a low profile in a new school.
But Ben's attempts to survive the last half of senior year unnoticed are thwarted when Nathan Allan, a funny and charismatic student, decides to take Ben under his wing. As Ben and Nathan's friendship grows, their feelings for each other begin to change, and what started as a disastrous turn of events looks like it might just be a chance to start a happier new life.
At turns heartbreaking and joyous, I Wish You All the Best is both a celebration of life, friendship, and love, and a shining example of hope in the face of adversity.”
Mason Deaver mentions in their notes at the end of how this book was the story they wish they had when they were younger, which is a lovely way for a creator to share back to future generations with their knowledge and experience.
This week we are reviewing “I wish you all the best” by Mason Deaver, a young adult book focused on Ben who has recently been kicked out by his parents for coming out as non-binary and has to process this while also adjusting to his new surroundings. Similar to last episode, I am still celebrating all the joy of Non-binary in July and decided it would be good to review the first book I read that had a focus on a non-binary character.
You can either listen to the podcast above, or you can read below for a majority of the transcript of the podcast! Now as always, our discussion will begin with a brief summary of the book followed by spoiler free thoughts and feelings. This will be followed by an in-depth discussion of some of the key plot points that occurred and we will then finish off with my overall rating of the book and a heads up about what we are looking at next time. If you have not had a chance to read I Wish You All The Best and don’t want to hear any spoilers, then please feel free to skip the detailed section and listen to it afterwards if you so wish.
One key reason why I am so excited to review this book is actually because it is one of the three or four books that actually inspired me to create this podcast as I just wanted to tell people to read this book. The other reason I am quite excited, is that this is the first novel I read that had a clearly stated non-binary person as the key character, which I freaking love the fact that I have some representation!
The book is a young adult novel, all told via the thoughts of our main character Ben, meaning we are set up to sympathise with them since we know what's going on in their head at all times. I enjoyed Ben as a character, apart from maybe one or two points where I would maybe disagree with their discussions, but overall as I liked them as a general person it did make it easier to get through the novel. So if in the first couple of chapters you don’t feel you are liking Ben as a person, it may make this book a bit more challenging to get through!
As it is a YA novel, there is mention of texting, emails, and Facebook messages, and these are appropriately formatted differently from the usual prose. I know that maybe it doesn't work for everyone, but I appreciate it as it helps it feel more realistic to me as it both stands out, plus it avoids someone saying they finished a message with a winky face but just shows us the bloody thing! Plus the pacing of the story will obviously match the key audience, with it focused on the development of characters rather than listing deep detailed descriptions of the wider world.
The development of Ben’s different relationships are all done very well. From the awkward reunion between siblings who haven’t spoken in 4 years having to bond again, to the slow build of feelings between Ben and Nathan, to the difficulty people can have in building up trust with their therapist to discuss very personal issues while dealing with anxiety and depression. Mason Deaver clearly took their time making sure the characters were properly fleshed out to help create a compelling read.
In terms of representation, I feel Ben is a good representation for non-binary people who have just lost their family home, as they are now having to deal with trust and mental health issues caused by their parents actions. And I know they/them pronouns are not for every enby out there, but I appreciate the way Ben is presented and how topics of desire for the right pronouns to be used, how sexuality and gender are not the same, and not all enby’s owing people androgeony are brought up through the story.
Final Feelings and Recommendation
In terms of recommending this to people, with that kinda score I would obviously recommend everyone read this, especially if people are at that stage where they are exploring their gender to maybe make you feel less alone in your feelings. It’s a fairly easy read and the characters all feel like real people, with the crux of the story being this interpersonal drama rather than from lots of external sources.
I would also say it's worth a read for parents as a guide of how not to deal with your child trusting you with details about their life. I appreciate the fact this book doesn’t hold its punches when it comes to the fallout from terrible parents, both in terms of how that can traumatise children, but also in the fact that parents will lose those children from their lives.
In terms of rating, I am going to totally shock you here and give this 10 out of 10 paint splatters. Honestly, it really just resonated with me, I loved the characters that Mason created, and it really touched on some key issues for non-binary indivduals that I would have also loved to have had access to when growing up.
SPOILERS AHEAD
Now, just a reminder that at this point, I will be going into a more detailed analysis of the book which means there will be spoilers! If you haven’t managed to read I Wish You All The Best yet and you don’t want anything spoiled, then this is your last chance to avoid the discussion. Or you can go ahead and close the page, go read the book and then come back afterwards to finish reading. I promise I won’t mind. Still here? Well then, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
So the book kicks off introducing us to Ben, letting us know English isn’t their favourite subject, that they are involved in art club at school, and that overall seems to have a very stable set-up with parents at home. We get the juxtaposition of them watching a film with the family while internally working up the courage to come out to their parents. Other than it being completely unbelievable anyone enjoys watching Elf of all films, I do appreciate that mix of internal panic and totally forgetting everything you wrote down in practice that most queer people have gone through
It obviously doesn’t go well with his parents thinking it was an unfunny joke and asking him to take it back, before escalating into shouting, mum clutching her necklace, and the usual bullshit of “God not wanting this for you” and does eventually end up with Ben’s parents kicking them out. The asshats even deadbolt the door to ensure the spare key doesn’t work and so Ben is left out in the cold, no shoes on, and has to find a payphone to call his estranged sister who lives an hour away to come get him.
URGH what terrible parents to react in such a way when a child decides to trust them with such personal information about themselves! It shouldn’t need to be said, but parents should not be acting like this and it is a sad fact that kids all over the world will still have such toxic reactions from people they have been close to. Thankfully Ben does have someone to come pick him up and provide him with shelter and other essentials, but it's obvious not everyone can be so privileged. Before people have kids, they need to accept they can’t control the human they bring into the world and should respect whoever their child may develop into (exceptions apply if your kid becomes a mass murder obviously).
Hannah thankfully arrives and takes Ben back to her house. We get hints throughout the book that Hannah’s relationship with their parents has always been challenging, until the point where she had enough of the toxic behaviour and ran away. It’s an interesting facet to think about, how the person who runs away is making the right choice for them to escape a toxic environment, and also that the person left behind, in this case Ben, may resent them in some way for leaving them to fend for themselves. I think it was actually quite interesting to have Deaver put this in the book, showing us that both people’s feelings and choices are valid and it is key to be honest about this to help build a relationship going forward.
Hannah and her husband Thomas do support Ben, being the other people they come out to as non-binary to. They help get them into school in their area, check what pronouns to use, and Hannah does take Ben shopping and even does their nails afterwards. It’s not without stumbling blocks as Hannah can be pushy and at times asks quite personal questions which Ben is not ready to discuss yet, plus there is unresolved tension from when Hannah ran away from home, basically abandoning Ben to their toxic parents.
Ben and Nathan’s friendship is very sweet and does seem to develop naturally into a teen romance, even if we have the cliche of them living two houses away from each other. Ben starts off as hostile since, you know, recent trust issues, but then does slowly open up to Nathan and meets his other friends too. And then how obviously they are when it’s pretty clear they are low-key flirting at times, they go on a date to watch Star Wars in the park while learning more about each other, Nathan takes Ben to his quiet place and they hold hands, and he is visibly disappointed when Ben plans not to go to prom. It really gets this Babeushka in that part of her heart that loves these slow build love stories even if you just wanna smack their heads together to make em realise they like each other!
Ben’s best friend is Miriam, a non-binary Shia muslim (ahh amazing rep!) who they met via Youtube as Ben came across their videos and it helped them realise they are also non-binary. It’s really lovely having that position representation of how the internet can make people feel less alone and make life saving connections with strangers who may then go on to be their best friends. And although a lot of the novel takes place with Miriam on the other side of the country, we do have them both meet for the first time in person near the end, which is really heartwarming!
Mrs Lui, the art teacher, does fall into that usual assumption that the creative teachers are a safe haven for queer kids, as she notices Ben being alone at lunchtime and so trusts them with a spare key to the art room. She also makes sure to encourage Ben with his work since she sees his talent as one of the only in her class at the level they are at while also challenging them to push their boundaries in the art at times. If only more schools had Mrs Lui’s on the payroll!
Dr Taylor, the therapist that Ben starts seeing, helps to examine some of the issues Ben is facing, managing to expertly walk the line of allowing them the space to say what is on their mind while pulling out key information. They do seem almost two perfect to be true, at least from my experience of therapists, but as it says in the book it can take a while to find the therapist that works for you. Some important Dr Taylor lessons that we all should remember include we can still miss people who have been major parts in our lives even if they are toxic and can no longer be part of it and that it's understandable to resent someone for leaving you while also still appreciating or loving them in the now.
Ben’s parents do reach out at one point asking to meet to discuss what happened. Although Dr Foster is wary of it, it is Ben’s choice and she does advise at least having someone with them if they do go. Nathan agrees to come, even if he isn’t happy about it, and the meeting goes as well as you can imagine. Ben is direct with their parents, they get mad and say they have an attitude, don’t agree with them not going to college, and bring out the age old saying of “are you sure you’re not confused or gay instead”. Worst of all is when they claim this has been hard on all of them, cause clearly their health was put at risk when they locked their child out in the cold with absolutely nothing. It’s a shame when parents assume they have been hurt when really they are the ones hurting other people with their actions!
Eventually we do get to the hinted art show at school, with things going really well with people being really supportive of Ben’s work and them and Nathan getting some alone time together where Nathan does challenge Ben to find the positives in his work rather than always being critical of them. Always a hard thing for any creative person to do, let me tell you!
Yet just after this dose of happiness, it all comes crashing down as mum & dad arrive unannounced. Again they are very pushy, demand photos of Ben with their work, and dad even acts like a prick as he says Ben misgendered them by saying “you guys need to leave”. Clearly showing they have not really learned anything over the last few months. Which all just gets worse as Hannah appears and it becomes a fight everyone can see, with their dad even lying saying Ben has agreed to come home with them after graduation, all just to hurt Hannah and because they don’t possibly think their child could have a mind of their own.
Ben leaves with Nathan, and as mom and dad follow and try to force Ben to go with them, they finally throw down that they never want to see them again. It’s obviously a painful realisation to come to realise that your parents aren’t who you thought they were and having to make that painful choice, but I love that this is in the book. No child should ever feel like they have to have their parents in their lives no matter how much they don’t accept the real you, and yes it may hurt and you may miss them, but sometimes the kindest thing to do for yourself is to cut those toxic ties to people who clearly don’t value you.
After this Ben is depressed for a while and eventually the friction between them and Hannah is discussed at Dr Taylors, and they do finally seem to overcome that awkwardness in their relationship now that they know each other's truths in how they have been affected by toxic parents. We also see Nathan and friends convince Ben to come have some fun at the end of year celebrations and Ben even gets to meet Miriam for the first time in real life. And with all this positive development, Ben finally takes the leap and tells Nathan that they are non-binary and ofcourse that doesn’t change anything in their friendship! Jeez, they are so blind to how coupley they act with each other that I never really expected Nathan to care, other than he gets so upset he has been misgendering Ben for months. Nathan really is so precious and such a good soul!
And in the final part of the book, we finally get the pay off of them admitting their feelings for each other while missing prom and instead sitting on Nathan’s roof since Ben does not do dances. I really liked how Nathan’s confession mirrored how Ben informed Nathan he was non-binary since this was his internal big secret, and having to wait till the end to finally have them kiss felt rewarding after all the build up of these feelings Ben has had for Nathan!
We then have an epilogue for 3 months later, letting us know they are both happy together while Ben will still have bad days with their anxiety and depressions at times, but now they are going to be working with Miriam on the secret project they discussed and Ben & Nathan seem to have a plan for making the relationship work as long as it can. It’s a very sweet ending and clearly part of me is a hopeless romantic that loves these things! Plus the author does have a short piece written afterwards called ‘I’ll be home for christmas’ for those of you that are like me who weren’t quite ready to leave Ben and Nathan at the close of this book.